The Second Date Syndrome

Although my dating experience is limited, my research seems to have uncovered a new affliction affecting many of the world's daters: The Second Date Syndrome.

The best horror stories seem to be about the First Date. They are the ones that involve multiple personalities being introduced over multiple dinner courses, that time when your date brought their cat along with them, or casually verbalized how he thought your name would make a great tattoo on his body (all true stories by the way). Maybe it is because the first date gets so much hype that we tend to forget to talk about the second date and the potential disaster that also lies within.

I believe that the second date is just as important as the first date, and maybe even more so due to the inherent potential for the dreaded Second Date Syndrome. Here is how SDS can strike:

When you go on a First Date with someone you don't know (i.e. off of an online site), you have no expectations. Personally, all I am hoping for before a First Date is that they aren't stark raving mad and won't steal my wallet. If you end up finding yourself across from someone who appears to be mildly balanced (or at least medicated) and isn't going for your purse, you are already impressed. If they actually display signs of intelligence, wit, ambition, or compassion, you are over the moon. So, all is seemingly going well and you agree to the Second Date.

Initial post-date reaction is elation and excitement! You met someone (off a dating website nonetheless) that isn't crazy and can carry a conversation! Hurrah!! He must be fantastic!

Cue SDS. The Second Date rolls around and all of a sudden, you have expectations. He can no longer impress you just by showing he can string together words to form a sentence, you know that already! Turns out that he may check the boxes of smart, witty, and ambitious, but with those he also get a check mark beside pretentious, offensive, and rude.
Had you had any expectations coming into the First Date, these characteristics would have been apparent. But jumping into the unknown has the side effect of making everything seem new and wonderful...until the Second Date rolls around. And Ta-Da! There you are, stuck with the Second Date Syndrome.

Needless to say, my first online dating experience brought on a bad case of SDS. I didn't get hacked into bits on the First Date, so I deemed it a success! The bar had been raised from axe murderer to legitimate person, and the person I met on the Second Date failed to make the cut. The wit that I was introduced to on the First Date turned evolved into depressingly negative sarcasm and snarky comments on the Second Date, and the kiss that I steered away from on the First Date (a generically moral decision on my part) produced approximately the same effect as kissing a cardboard cutout.

Unfortunately, SDS has a worse prognosis than if the first date were to go horribly, because you have indicated that you are somewhat interested in this person by agreeing to the second date, and possibly done something stupid like give him your phone number. This is exactly my situation right now, and I have to say I am taking the shameful route out of a third date by ignoring the text message that requested it... I'm not proud, I just have no idea how to go about any of this!

Meanwhile, it's time to keep fishing...